March 3rd …

A year ago on March 3rd, two things that took effect in my life moving  forward. 

One, the death of my Grandmother on my dad’s side of the family. She had a long life. At one point, I think my dad and I thought she might even reach her 100th birthday. The last year of her life was difficult for my dad in my terms of understanding after the death of my Father. For one, he had to take his mother to a nursing home because she couldn’t able to take care of herself ( physically and mentally ). I remember when I was under a lot of stress due to anxiety and depression, I asked my Father, on the state of my Grandmother, he told me that it been strenuous for him. I wish I knew more, and should have ask a lot of questions. I didn’t because I had to take care of myself. Around the beginning of December, I asked my Father for the address to the nursing home where my Grandmother was staying.  I got her a nice Christmas card. I wrote briefly telling her that I miss her and I love her. I hope she knows that today and forever.  The thing about my Grandmother was that she wanted togetherness between my Grandmother, My Father, and myself. She tried in challenging ways for all of us to be together. It had work in some ways, but at the end, it was almost friction between my Father and I.  At the end, I think she lived her life the way she wanted to be. She was loved by her Son, her Grandson, and many cousins around the Bay Area. 

Two, the decline health of my Father.  On March 4th, my Father called me and left a voicemail on my phone. I still have it in my cellphone. He called me about two things, one was the death of my Grandmother, and that he is in the hospital due to gall bladder removal.  At the end of the message, he mentioned to me that he will call me when he gets better. I texted him, and told him that I was sorry to hear about the death of my Grandmother and I wish him a speedy recovery. I called my father later that week, he didn’t answer it but I left him a message and told him that I was thinking of him and told him that I loved him. He was in and out of the hospital from March until his death in May. I wish I knew more and I wish I had done something more to help my dad. I think my Father was trying to cover as  much as possible for me not knowing that he was dying. And that he was trying to get everything organized as possible for me and his girlfriend without any hassling through legal channels. There been some hassling through legal channels but lucky enough that it gone smoothly as much as possible. 

Dad, I wish you had told me more. It is okay, because I love you. And I know you love me as well.